MILK EGGS VODKA [By Bill Keaggy]

This must be a shopping list for Jim Jarmusch’s new film, “Formula and Cigarettes.” If not, I feel sorry for that poor baby. Stop smoking, bad mom! This is in the “Sad Lists” chapter on page 52.

“Popcycles” — they’re cold … and FAST!!!

Yep. Poop bags.

Straight-Edge caffeine freak?

Now, if you know you’re having spaghetti, why do you even need to make this list?

I’ll be nice today. No comment.

Well, duh!

This is one of the original lists from the collection: #15, in fact! And here’s my requisite smart-ass comment: “Two cans of ‘cream of salary soup.’ Now that’s just like eating money.” Ha! This is another bonus, web-only list that didn’t end up in the book.

Hmmm. “Tissues. Oil. AAA batteries.” What could they have planned? Maybe they need to lubricate their automatic tissue dispenser. Or maybe… hey! Oh! Nevermind! :-0

(This one appears in the “Paaar-ty!” chapter on page 43. As in, you know, private party!)

Yep. This one’s not in the book, so consider it a free bonus!

“Next time you go shopping, please get some buttmilk. I like the store-bought kind much better than my homemade stuff.” This one appears in the “Just Plain Funny” chapter, on page 8.

“Oreo B Interdental Refills” — now I don’t know what an interdental refill is, but I am sure they are more fun to use if they’re made out of Oreos. Also, “bourbin.” This list appears in the “Just Plain Funny” chapter, right up from on page 4!

This artery clogging wonder appears on page 183 of the book, in the “Eating Wrong” chapter.

I love this one. I mean, heck, they actually spelled “clothes” like this: “close.” How completely pathetically awesome is that? Darn so. This one is from the very early days of the Grocery List Collection. I couldn’t find the original so it didn’t make it into the book which is why I present it to you here:

Since yesterday’s list of the day was, um, hygiene oriented, let’s stick with that theme and scrub the other side! Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you: Tush Cleaner! This one appears in the book on page 7, in the “Just Plain Funny” chapter.