MILK EGGS VODKA [By Bill Keaggy]

The holidays are almost here.

The easiest thing to do at this point is to just buy people you love/like/know/owe a copy “Milk Eggs Vodka: Grocery Lists Lost & Found.” No, really. That will take care of it. You’ll be done shopping. They’ll be happy. On Christmas, your drunk uncle (known as a “drunkle”) will page through the book and claim that anybody could collect scraps of paper and other people’s garbage and put them in a book — even him! You’ll point out that he’s a no-good drunk and, in fact, he didn’t collect these found grocery lists or get a book deal or anything even close. There will be yelling and fighting. Glass will be broken and tears will be shed. People will be disowned — banned from all future holiday get-togethers.

But at least you’ll have given the best present of the day, and whoever got it will love you and thank you and finally admit that they never liked that drunkle anyway.

Um, OK. Actually, none of that would happen. Hopefully things will go a bit more like this: An amazing reader email.

PS: If you don’t think they’ll like MEV, then buy them “50 Sad Chairs” instead!

Happy Holidays everyone!